Wisconsin protestors ruin Scott Walker's day

The Magic 8-Ball just dropped a prediction. Wisconsin governor and anti-union crusader Scott Walker will have a short career in politics.

Old GOP ally "B-1" Bob Dornan blasts Newt Gingrich

Holy cow! Who knew former fire breathing conservative congressman Bob "B-1" Dornan was still alive?! He recently got The Daily Beast's Bryan Curtis on the horn to blast his former House colleague, Newt Gingrich over his bid for the 2012 GOP nomination. "B-1" absolutely can't stand the guy and is chomping at the bit to confront yell him at the next GOP debate. That should be fun!

Here's a little taste from Curtis's article:

Bob’s argument is that Newt is a pseudo-intellectual gasbag, a moral basket case, and a political performance artist whose campaign is less a bid for the White House than a marketing blitz to pump up “Gingrich Inc.” When I call him back, Bob says he wants to do the nation a service. “I want to get this man the hell out of America’s hair!” he roars.

A pseudo-intellectual gasbag and moral basket case... Yah, that's about right.

Michele Bachmann announces bid for 2012 GOP nomination

Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachmann, the self-styled leader of the Tea Party Caucus, formally announced her bid for the 2012 GOP nomination today. In honor of her big day, Huffington Post put together a wonderful little compilation of Bachmann's most memorable public moments and quotes. Folks, there's never a dull moment with this one!

Kimmel spoofs Jon Hunstman campaign ad

It's official! Jon Huntsman, the former Utah Governor and Ambassador to China is running for the 2012 GOP nomination. Please try and contain your excitement. In this clip, Jimmy Kimmel has some fun pointing out the weirdness of the candidate and this ad. Apparently, it's a Republican virtue to not take your wife to that fancy restaurant she's been dying to go to.

Don't underestimate Michele Bachmann, Taibbi warns

Illustration by Victor Juhasz

For the current issue of Rolling Stone, Matt Taibbi has written a great piece on Michele Bachmann, the comely and cunning Minnesota Congresswoman running for the GOP presidential nomination. The article, Michele Bachmann's Holy War, is both funny and frightening. Taibbi quotes Ezra Klein (who nailing it) half-jokingly said, "Bachmann is the candidate Sarah Palin was supposed to be." The current crop of Republicans running for the 2012 nomination would be foolish to underestimate her. For anyone following the 2012 presidential race, this is a must-read.

Somebody tell Gingrich his "campaign's" over

This just in! Basically, Newt Gingrich's whole presidential campaign staff has resigned. That's what he gets for not taking them all with on his vacay to the Greek Isles (and for not heeding their um, wisdom to actually campaign among real-life voters). So, can we cross Gingrich off the list of "credible" GOP candidates, already?

US media too hot for Peckergate to cover real news

David Sirota deserves a medal for pointing out 10 stories the media missed because they were too into covering Weiner's Weaner. We are clearly moving into a state of Idiocracy. Sirota, a media critic at Salon, introduces the list:

As of my writing this, it takes less than two-tenths of a second for Google News to register 15,500 hits for the name "Anthony Weiner." Those are the kind of rare numbers that come along only when the media and political establishment is expressing full-blown Howard Beale Outrage -- the kind of scandal-addled rage that was once reserved for break-ins at Washington office buildings and arms-for-hostages deals.

But, of course, after those controversies created constitutional crises and almost brought down presidencies -- well, then came the real scandals: Bill Clinton staining that blue dress, Larry Craig's wide stance in the Minneapolis Airport, Mark Foley's instant messages, Chris Lee showing off his chest... and now, of course, Anthony Weiner. These are scandals that come with made-for-24-hour-cable-news visuals and require no investigative reporting whatsoever. These are scandals, in short, that are better sculpted for the 21st century Idiocracy that we call America circa 2011 -- so they are presented as even more important than anything that might actually affect the future of the nation or the planet.

Still, for some odd reason -- I don't know, call me old fashioned or crazy or both -- an irrelevant congressman's bizarre behavior in a silly 140-character-limited medium strikes me as a tad less offensive and less worthy of media focus than at number of other less-covered stories that broke at the same time as the Weiner Scandal. I think these 10 stories from this week are far more offensive -- and involve what should be considered more egregious infractions -- than Anthony Weiner's half-naked sexts.

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Thatcherites to Palin: Bugger off!

Getty images (2)

The Daily Beast's Alex Massie reports that Sarah Palin is looking forward to meeting her idol Lady Margaret Thatcher later this summer. Someone might want to let Palin know that the conservative icon, who is ailing and not into receiving guests, just isn't that into her.
According to the article: One Thatcherite ally told The Guardian: "Lady Thatcher will not be seeing Sarah Palin. That would be belittling for Margaret. Sarah Palin is nuts." Indeed. Or as Tim Montgomerie, editor of the influential Tory website ConservativeHome put it, "She is an embarrassment for mainstream Conservatives."
'Nuff said.

Rick Santorum wants to be your culture warrior-in-chief

AP photo

Former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum was thrown out of office in 2006 for being an ignorant douche. Apparently he hasn't learned anything in the interim, well, except for the fact that he's got a serious Google problem. That alone would make most of us run like hell from the media. But not this guy! He misses the spotlight so much he's running for the 2012 GOP nomination. Did you know that? If you said no, it's okay. You're not alone. The few people who do know it couldn't care less.

The day after GOP honcho Haley Barbour spoke on the need to get past purity tests at the Faith & Freedom Coalition conference in Washington, Santorum showed up to explain the opposite. He was blabbing on about taking bullets for Jesus or something. Yada yada yada.
The Magic 8-Ball has some advice for Santorum. You better super glue your rhetorical bullet-proof vest to your body. When the primary season gets into full swing, reminders (bullets?) of your inauspicious past are gonna be sprayed at you, fully-automatic, from all sides. If your "campaign" makes it past Iowa, it'll be a true miracle. We, here at the Cafe, won't be holding our breath, though.

What was Romney saying, again?



New Hampshire Union Leader, June 3, 2011

It's happening. Sarah Palin, who hasn't even declared a candidacy yet, is already stealing all of the media oxygen from those who have or soon will. Since last week, everyone's forgotten about that guy, "T-Paw" and she completely overshadowed Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachmann's announcement about a "mysterious" June announcement to come from Iowa (What kind of strategery is that, Bachmann?). This week, the Mama Grizzly mauled Mitt Romney's big kick-off speech in New Hampshire. No winning the news cycle for you, Mr. Romneycare! It must really chap Mittens' ass that some pretend politician/reality star got the lion's share of attention today from "the Granite State's" leading paper. Guess we know who they don't like!



This just happened in New Hampshire

Poor Mittens! Sarah "Rolling Thunder" Palin had to go ruin his big day. Her Magical Mystery Tour just happened to show up right down the road from the farm he was holding his announcement at. As expected, the media left him in the dust to go chasing after her. To make it worse, she and former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani, also speaking in New Hampshire yesterday, both took pot shots at the so-called GOP front-runner. Way to honor Reagan's 11th Commandment, guys!

Jane Lynch wants Sarah Palin on "Glee"

The bitingly hilarious actress and comedienne Jane Lynch "takes over" NewsCorp and lays down the law. Look out Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin. She's got plans for you!

Jon Huntsman hearts socialized medicine?

If former Utah governor Jon Huntsman actually does run for the GOP nomination, he's going to have some 'splainin to do with wing nut primary voters. Apparently, as governor he got all Socialist and pulled a RomneyObama on Utah.

Reporter Jason Cherkis at Huffington Post writes, "On March 19, 2008, he signed into law health care reform legislation that included a requirement that the state study 'the costs and benefits associated with (a) different forms of mandates for individual responsibility; and (b) potential enforcement mechanisms for individual responsibility.'"

The funniest part of this whole anti-Obama health care thing is, it was basically a Republican/Heritage Foundation idea to begin with. Even President Dick Nixon wanted universal health care! But then President Barack Obama had to go start pushing it, which turned it into a Commie plot.

None of this historical reality matters, though. In Tea Party land and among "real Amurkans," facts and history are for bitches and whiners.

Huntsman, who was also a former Ambassador to China for the Obama administration, is just way too reasonable and, dare I say, decent for red meat Republican primary voters. To them, reasonable means RINO (Republican In Name Only) and traitor.

The Magic 8-Ball indicates Mr. Huntsman should save his time, money and respectability by letting the losers duke it out for the chance to get their ass whipped by Obama.

Huntsman has served this country well and doesn't need to stain his reputation by running (i.e. saying stupid, dishonest things he doesn't believe in just to win over delusional wing nut voters). He seems better than that.

Here's hoping Huntsman comes to his senses and decides against running, at least until 2016. At that point, he becomes a much stronger, better-known candidate.