Rick Santorum wants to be your culture warrior-in-chief

AP photo

Former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum was thrown out of office in 2006 for being an ignorant douche. Apparently he hasn't learned anything in the interim, well, except for the fact that he's got a serious Google problem. That alone would make most of us run like hell from the media. But not this guy! He misses the spotlight so much he's running for the 2012 GOP nomination. Did you know that? If you said no, it's okay. You're not alone. The few people who do know it couldn't care less.

The day after GOP honcho Haley Barbour spoke on the need to get past purity tests at the Faith & Freedom Coalition conference in Washington, Santorum showed up to explain the opposite. He was blabbing on about taking bullets for Jesus or something. Yada yada yada.
The Magic 8-Ball has some advice for Santorum. You better super glue your rhetorical bullet-proof vest to your body. When the primary season gets into full swing, reminders (bullets?) of your inauspicious past are gonna be sprayed at you, fully-automatic, from all sides. If your "campaign" makes it past Iowa, it'll be a true miracle. We, here at the Cafe, won't be holding our breath, though.